Cat got your tongue or simply not a hopeless romantic? You’ve come to the right place.

It’s that time of the year where everything is mushy, marked up, and in all shades of red and pink. So if you (and/or your date) are the sort who prefers all things cheesy and corny going into your mouth than coming out of it, well, you guys are in luck!

Here’s a list of unconventional quotes to go on your card, with your gifts, or on your gifts. Of course, we also threw in a couple of gift ideas you can personalise and receive before Valentine’s. None of these is mandatory, but a sense of humour is required for optimum experience. 😉

1. “If girls were boogers, I’d pick you first.” 
Nothing like dried mucus to dial down a cloying message.

2. “I’m yours. No refund.” 
Declare yourself a keeper, compared to say, last Christmas’ ugly sweater.

You WILL appreciate the puns on these couple photo mugs when the caffeine kicks in.

3. “You’re my favourite pain in the ass.”
Way to make a realist weak in the knees.

4. “Will you be my Valentine? That was a rhetorical question. You have no choice – we’re married.”
Married couples still celebrate Valentine’s Day… right?

Not a recommended message if you’re living under the same roof, but you can always customise your own psychotic greeting.

5. “You suck less than most people.”
Is that you, Rosa Diaz?  

6. “I’ll always be your tech support.”
Finish with this punchline: “Did you try turning it off and on again?”

Yes, it’s cringeworthy… enough to ward off itchy limbs belonging to luggage thieves. You’re welcome.

7. “Couples that fart together stay together.”
After all, you guys got through the deadly, silent killers…

8. “The man who says his wife can’t take a joke, forgets that she took him.” (Oscar Wilde)
He’ll never doubt your choices again. Or say it out loud.

A cuddly appreciation for your other half who’s been putting up with your “quirks”.

9. “God made woman beautiful and foolish. Beautiful, that man might love her. Foolish, that she might love him.” (Tara Reid)
This is not up for discussion, husbands and boyfriends!

Pun-loving fruits for the fruit-loving couple, perhaps?

10. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” (Will Ferrell)
Follow up with, “We needed a new keyboard anyway.”

11. “Husbands are like fires – they go out when unattended.” (Zsa Zsa Gabor)
The perfect invitation to stay in all night, together with Marvin Gaye.

Love is waiting for your S/O and watching the next episode(s) together. What would your couple pillows say?

12. “True love is singing karaoke ‘Under Pressure’ and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part.” (Mindy Kaling)
For the queen of your heart, or the most royal loyal fan you know.

13. “For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have their own bathroom. The end.” (Catherine Zeta-Jones)
This has so much potential to become a marriage proposal!

See, Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be predictable and cringe-worthy (the puns don’t count, because they’re funny even when they’re bad!). All you need is a little wit to make your date’s day – see what we did there?

By the way, we’re giving away some neat pressies in this season of lurve. Just join our easy-peasy contest, and cross your fingers you’ll win 1 of the 13 prizes. Good luck!

---